You...

And ive been wandering around this life for so long that i think i have strayed so far from the path...its probably hard to get back now isnt it..

but then..what ever would i get back to?

And then sometimes when your lying all alone you suddenly feel that this nothingness that is taking over you is beautiful...and nothing could ever be prettier..nothing could ever be more saintly than the silence that surrounds you until it fills you with such deadening unbelivable mindless fear that you feel like the world my just fall apart with another step you take...

And everything is just so shaky..inside my head..and it feels like im just wandering..and rambling even more as days slip away as im sitting here doing nothing...nothing at all..and i never will do anything substantial now will i?

how many lives have i saved today? { no im not saying im trying to be wonder woman}
but
how many lives have i affected? how many have i destroyed? how many have i made?

does it even matter? Does it matter..? Did it ever matter??

I only sit screaming into the silence of the night..and as moonlight shines onto my skin..i lay my head on the cold granite wall..and as i watch smoke fade away in the distance like you fading away from my memory..like everyone like everything else in this world that is to turn into nothing but a wisp of smoke..I realise..

it doesnt..not anymore if it ever did..nothing matters..not how the birds sing or the people cry..or suffer or rejoice..nothing..not even the innocence of a child...
and i dont have to affect anything..in this world...as long as i have...you..i dont have to please another man on the street..as long as i have you..

And my mind i lost in love...my mind is drowning in happiness...for youve ripped off this mask..of unending caring and concern ..and youve put an end to this show..youve put an end...youve put an end...to everything..

that isnt me.