Passive Smoking...

There once was a time when I'd be dressed on this day...dancing and running down the stairs when the moon came up. Happy like nothing in the world could ever make me sad. It was because of you. Only for you.
They said what are festivals when you have none to share with..I say what are festivals when you dont feel alive, even if it is the celebration of all things dead?
And you left and I feel like the airs sucked out, of my room, of these four walls that contain me. In all its glamour it wont adorn a life or a mirror upon its wall, for what have I to see?
And the past haunts and its only dust, that infects my lungs and kills me but I dont have the joy of jumping around in the mud and creating it anymore.
Of rolling in the sand and into the sea like the world was free to be mine and mine alone cause I was a part of you, or you a part of me and we didnt have to split our property and live in isolation on two desolate continents or what could only be named empty.
I wish you were here, Id be at the cemetary today, possibly taking names..or dancing and chanting around a fire while i was dressed in garish make up and blood dripping down my lips. I sound possibly insane to any reader, if any reads this..but I know this would make sense to you.
So sad I want to gorge on someone's blood and kill them and I dont have the pleasure of being a vampire.
Only passive smoke my darling.
Happy Halloween.

Cold Showers...

In the cold light of the morning,
there you are standing up my dreams,
and I try to hold it just a second longer,
just to see you smile then fade away.

Trickling down my body like cold water,
not sure I could take it, but too painful to resist,
And i can smell the hope and faith mix in blood and soap,
as you wash it down my drain and cease to exist.

Looking into that ugly mirror,
I see a reflection of white kissed blue,
and when this ice heart melts in shades of red,
I  can only search for the fire that is you.

And in some unseen territory,
I imagine the source from where your light shines through,
but as fiction builds inside my lonely head,
wonder if I really know you.

Sitting on granite, chalking dreams,
theres a comfort this cold floor cant deny,
easing into corners, shaken, crawling by the walls,
with etches of my fingers beginning to seep in.

Looking past the grill outside my window,
couldnt find myself waiting for this day to begin,
and when Il smile like a child when an airplane goes by
Il still wonder if it were you
Il still want to go home

Somewhere I know I'm really all alone.

~~~~~~~~

Underneath Her Clothes...

Underneath her clothes,
There is a heart, barely beating,
slow, like molten gold,
its virtue, rises and falls.
But is it her face that denies it?
Or her ugly shows through the mask?
the mirror cracks in laughter,splitting,
but nobody ever cared to know.


Underneath her clothes,
there is a woman dying..
But they only see her chest heaving,
not her running out of breath.
And she bends to clutch her knees,
hoping someone would carry her home,
lay her down on a bed to rest,
and for once not hop in.

Underneath her clothes,
theres a will that cant keep fighting,
arms open as she feels it drown,
body sinking in this well.
Underneath her clothes,
theres a child who wants protection,
but no-one turned out the red lights, Roxanne.
And you have no price, to sell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Muse...

Those beats so clamored,
they pound in her head,
yet for once she stands,
devoid song.

They turn into rhythm
then twist brazenly away
so lyrically blessed
pristine.

And the damsel in distress
starts to digress
from the pain.
Addled and
trapped in its web
that twists
and forces her to sway

Swinging
with the world glued to the tips
of her fingers
glistening,
in the sun
for a second
till she broke
and damned it to shadows
like her being.

Rising and falling
in perfect points and arcs
tired yet continuing
cause this hate drum
never stops.

And slowly as her thoughts,
burn to haze
with the world too heavy to swing
she brushes it off
One last time
and collapses to the floor
cold granite
smooth and endless
like an ocean of black.

I guess this is what death feels like
with her body arched
and chest raised
as it drew all the hatred from her soul
sucked her in
and spat her out
to fall to the side
eyes wide open
staring.

Slain, in the sound of the wind
and all that surrounded
heaving,
gasping,
like
she was free
to suffocate.

One last time
Just one last time.

It’s all over now.

Breathe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Waiting...

The night just breaks away to pieces,

but i'm still standing here

waiting for the dead sun to move along.

I've seen a million times these faces,

and what lies beneath,

But I wish i didnt have to be the one.



And everytime you hurt,

I must hurt more than you,

and everytime you fall, I skin my knees.

Now i stand here just your puppet,

whose head you tore apart,

cause i refuse to dance as you please.



And i gave you my soul, my life,

prayed you get my heaven too,

as you ripped the feathers off my bony wings.

Why do you fear i'd fly,

when i have no where to go to?

when i skimper, like your dog, when your bell rings.



You've walked across my soul,

you know its every corner,

cant you no longer see what i hide?

You burned your stamp into my skin,

And I, took it for an honour,

till you concealed me like a blemish to your pride.



And every treasure that i own,

has only come from you,

do you see me not as one who would repay?

didnt you hear my glass heart shatter,

when you crowned me mistress to your pain,

and you spun so meaningless in blinding rage.



And the world begins to spin,

the haze begins to fade,

yet i can smell this delirium on my skin

would you hold me close

would let me go my mind cant decide,

And I keep paying playing praying

to pay just for your sins.



And I love you oh so dearly,

and Ive failed you every time,

and as i try leaving, i can only pray,

But If the world starts to crumble,

my blind arms would reach for you,

and tonight its your safety

that makes me walk away.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Home...closed

Running past cuts and bruises,
she's turning towards home,
broken wood and sealed doors,
love's gone, clothes out thrown.
The halls out hollow, echoes her own,
windows like promises, shattered in tears,
bleeding insanity,pouring rain,
and it's her only one, to hear.

Time will break the winds that flow into segments to remember but never a whole..where you feel your whole life was spent with the wind..spent whirling and dancing in them...and it hides you from so much in between those segments..those times of silence when not a word is passed...and none understood...for i lay incapable of predicting your past...though i may be able to understand its aftermath.