Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Do I Wanna Know...

I can Imagine this won't feel good to read, and you'l know its for you the second you take off to the moment you end, so a fair warning, I'm going to "say it, just say it" anyway...Should you listen? Choose wisely.
You, with the lines on the sides of your face,
when you smile,
when you lie down by my side, on the cold floor,
and look into my eyes.
Suddenly old, with that expression on your face,
that expression you call love,
old with a heart that races so fast..
a heart so tired, stuck in your throat,
suffocating your lungs, pushing you forward 50 years a second.

You, with that smile stuck between your lips,    
and your mind on me, rewind and repeat,
obsess, deny, smoke, give in and call
to listen to me rant the night through,
and cry when my breath chokes,
just so I wouldn’t feel alone, just cause you can’t help it so.

You, saying yes to every crazy whim,
by the sea with your hands around me,
as you whisper, you’re beautiful,
shy smile, you’re beautiful,
tied hair, you’re beautiful,
curve of my back, you’re beautiful,
the way I kiss, oh you’re beautiful,
naked in rain and moonlight, you’re beautiful,
You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful till those words lose their meaning.

Till you tell me I look like I’m pregnant in my new red dress.
Till I spend every second of the evening,
only thinking about having to hold my stomach in.
So Shattered, if you said something mean about me it must be true.
And I’ll cry and I’ll wish I never heard you say
anything good if the bad would hurt
hurt bad.
Cry, till I realise what I said, did and just felt went against every fibre of my being.

You, when you say I love you,
running down the street and in the rain,
tears streaming down your face,
when did those words change me, mould me,
turn me from being the girl you loved to
just...the girl you loved.
And I’ll scream and I’ll question,
as you stare at me patiently.

Patience, how can you say you love me,
when everything I do,
requires you to build an endurance to tolerate.
When did that turn into a beautiful word you can throw out like a compliment..
You, say you never told me how I broke your heart,
cause you constantly chew your words,
bite your tongue and wait.
Patience, there’s a time and place for everything.
But you’re patience didn’t buy me you,
it bought me a reduced, contorted, disfigured form of
a man I thought I loved.
You, Do I even know what that means.

“You’d hate me if you knew how weak I was”
When was it ok to deny me the permission to make my own decision,
When was it ok that someone so weak,
could break something that thought it was so strong.
Move it from No, to a yes, to not being able to resist,
a smiley, a poem, a peck on the cheek
and watch you turn it
into a grope, a tongue and a fuck.

You, I run the streets searching
for you.
As you cross a million cars just to see my face and hear my voice.
“You are all I’ll ever need” you say,
and a beer and you is all I need, right now.
A bad drug, poisoning my veins,
but it’s not bugs I see crawling under my skin,
it’s You.

I’ve got you, Under my skin,
we’ll stare at the moon and the stars by the sea like
so many other nights while Sinatra swoons in the background,
You smile, hum.
I hum, wondering why I can’t understand what Frank’s so happy about.