Smiles..circles..rain...water..life..happy..

Ripples painted across the sky,
stretched like a curtain with dreams to hide,
apathetic,shadows crawl across the land,
eyes shut, to windows open wide.

Mama, I saw a hole in the sky,
gaping yellow,screaming, burning in red,
it called out to me, spinning a web of hope,
promising me of worlds im yet to see.

Curling around my feet, slowly glides away,
drops rolling off finger tips, back to where they belong,
whispering secrets, keeping me safe,
a drifter, aimlessly, drowning me in his songs.

Father this world wasnt meant for me,
these marble floor's hurt more than broken pebbles do,
Its thoughts flow against the waves in my head,
these hearts are to cold, and theyr freezing me too.

And their hands just feel water, not the life it contains,
Dont you see how the wind can teach you to fly?
these hands wish to write,and this mind to learn,
fingers wish to crawl around in paint for awhile.

And I can make lives on this sand, give meaning, give hope,
paint faces and words upon rocks that burn,
draw souls out of mud and bodies out of thread,
and they'l still have a heart more willing to learn.

And i cant breathe as they choke me with their static minds,
tied tightly in silver threads. with cheap mettalic glow,
these spikes are getting closer father, your walls will crush me to death,
I think its time, you let me go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Delirium...

Lines, crosses, creeping across the floor,
dodging, misery, tears, my eyes now evade,
Vines curl around bare feet, apathetically shrug,
as words of love etched in fog, now begin to fade
.Watch the world evanesce, doesnt sting my eye,
as long as i have you beautiful, so i can play beast,
but pulled away from my fingers,im unable to sustain,
so just give me novacaine,and sing me to sleep.
Poisoned, spinning, till lips touch the ground,
watching days break down, like grey winter leaves,
seconds rush by my eyes,insanity wounds and blinds,
but my lips only twist to smiles, and slowly part,
to breathe.

3 am...

Its maybe two or three in the morning....i wouldnt know...i dont these days...its just hurting me so much...every second that i spend in this shit hole called home..and there is no one..no one left..for me to break out on .. everyones pretty much sick either ways.. you are perhaps all i have but i couldnt ever do that too..couldnt ever try..cause it would hurt you too much..and i wudnt do that now would i? im not capable of it..plus it might just drive you away too..who knows? who knows?..but it hurts..this thing inside me...and its breaking...and everything ive worked with before to relieve me of this madness.. ive given up on..im sick of the blade..and the pills..though i pop them in every hour or so..and its getting tiresome getting high on crocins and other fucking analgesics..sick sick sick..i wanna shoot something....i wanna catch someones neck and strangle them till they cant breathe...or maybe just for someone to sit me down and smack me across my face and push some bloody sense into this head..now a sane logical person would say i should stop crying shut the fuck up and go to sleep....as my eyes scour my room....i dont see a sane man..i dont see a strong shoulder to break down upon...i went searching for that an hour ago...but i cant talk anymore..the way i used to..i just dont feel it in me..neither do i feel the patience or keeness to listen anymore..and my eyes keep spinning..hopingg to perhaps find something anything..maybe just pop out of nothingness...and hold me...or satisfy these voilent thoughts..or something but..all i see..sadly... all i see is this..perfectly normal...perfectly calm expressionless somewhat pretty kohl eyed sitting crosslegged..unflinching as i throw my tumbler and try to break her..

Place to hide...

Running across silver roads,
Bedizen, with broken autumn leaves,
my eyes have only feared, the impavid and true.
a mind laced with cowardice, desiring veneration,
O' ugly caitiff stranger,
I'm running home to you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Running...lost..confused..just another time when all i long for is a hug...just a huge hug to drown me and make me forget about all this shit..about home..about the fucking brainy kids at school and the fugly guys in mumbai...bloody perverts... and i just cant name anymore things..my head is aching...aarrrrrrrgghh.....and that stupid gwen steffani is shouting some shit in the background { me = suicidal?? noo } not realy..just wondering how...how on earth did she get gavin ..i mean..its gavin gavin for godsake..how could a man so gifted with the perfect..perfect well EVERYTHING be so ermm poor in guessing that he could get more.. aaarrghghg,,,,and yesh i know ..uve guessed im bored by now..and..WTF where is my hug.where are you..where are you dammit...yesterday was so beautiful...and i wish i could dance like a fool on the streets everyday...could you come now..its today already...hold me..and swing by those streets? slowly..as water and pepsi flies ? please? i need you love..i really do...really do/.... im going crazy..hug me..hug me i say...yes i know you are afraid..would be if u were reading..thats why i dont let you in here XD aaawww..why couldnt u live with me everyday..get the whole blaady group dammit.under my bed...i swear il throw some jujubes from time to ti,me.. do any of yall fucking read this?? damn..

Saturday morning...

I'm scared, I'm really really scared..and i have lost this battle mother..the one against you i have given up..and the rest...well i have lost them all...
And all i can do is sit in this corner and watch the light fade while i crumble to pieces in my bed...singing the night away so the hollow darkness wont swallow me in...i dont want to be there..i dont want to be there...not in that place..where no one would get close..sadly, right now.even i dont wish to get close to myself,..and i cant stand to look at the ugly mirror anymore..it haunts me..really does..even after its smashed and broken under my foot...and...
I dont know..how much longer il have to say this...but i really need you..to take me and run away from this place..or maybe just be here..or visit..or call..or think of me..or remember me...do you?? do you know who i am? that im writing this for you?? that i long to see your face evey moment every day..that i stand for what seems like ages as i watch u drive away??dont you want to come home, to me?

and i sit next to the window staring all day...not wishing to listen to the answers, the closed empty gates tell..

Iris...

Bathed in moonlight, blissful shimmer,
swishing, silently, as gentle as the breeze,
dance sweet love, only for my eyes to see,
dance to the tunes of my sweet release.

Sparks in your smile, secrets in your eyes,
locked safe within me, protected from harm.
your touch sweet purgatory, words pristine,
soul divine, as water,dancing in my palm.

And I'd give up forever to keep you.
to watch every smile ,hair flowing onto your face.
And if all i did get were my eyes to hold you.
id still take it as a joy that none can replace.

And I'd trade every penny to touch you,
so my heart was the only thing that felt your skin.
And the void in my head and the black in my eyes,
would be filled with the fire you burn within.

And id abandon every love, or follower ive had,
to hear your voice echo through this home we've made,
butterflies twitter fiercely, soul dies of ecstacy,
as your songs heal the curses of my silver blade.

And if all i had was a sword and a match,
I'd slash every throat,burn the ground on which they grew.
I'd stand alone bruised, trapped eternally in a void,
if i could only own, a part of you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will always love you

and as cliche or superly hallmarkish or whatever it may sound...you give reason to my existance..couldnt live a second without you..and i wont..you know i wudnt...our breaths shall stop together..or shall move forever on..but nothing else...nothing else would do.

Silence...

Sweet love, you are only killing me with each word you say..
and even more so with each word you dont..
And tonight i lay here in the emptiness of my mind..hopeless and insecure..
how could i not be?i havent eaten in days..havent slept well either...
i dont breathe anymore like i used to..but im still happy love..still as happy as happy can be..
and why shouldnt I be? why should i be? i dont know the answers to either...and these voices..they dont help me anymore...and these voices..they dont scream..and theze voices havent been guiding in awhile..but it was fine..but now...neither do you..neither do you..



~ to nothing..nothing at all..