The Waiting...

The night just breaks away to pieces,

but i'm still standing here

waiting for the dead sun to move along.

I've seen a million times these faces,

and what lies beneath,

But I wish i didnt have to be the one.



And everytime you hurt,

I must hurt more than you,

and everytime you fall, I skin my knees.

Now i stand here just your puppet,

whose head you tore apart,

cause i refuse to dance as you please.



And i gave you my soul, my life,

prayed you get my heaven too,

as you ripped the feathers off my bony wings.

Why do you fear i'd fly,

when i have no where to go to?

when i skimper, like your dog, when your bell rings.



You've walked across my soul,

you know its every corner,

cant you no longer see what i hide?

You burned your stamp into my skin,

And I, took it for an honour,

till you concealed me like a blemish to your pride.



And every treasure that i own,

has only come from you,

do you see me not as one who would repay?

didnt you hear my glass heart shatter,

when you crowned me mistress to your pain,

and you spun so meaningless in blinding rage.



And the world begins to spin,

the haze begins to fade,

yet i can smell this delirium on my skin

would you hold me close

would let me go my mind cant decide,

And I keep paying playing praying

to pay just for your sins.



And I love you oh so dearly,

and Ive failed you every time,

and as i try leaving, i can only pray,

But If the world starts to crumble,

my blind arms would reach for you,

and tonight its your safety

that makes me walk away.





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Home...closed

Running past cuts and bruises,
she's turning towards home,
broken wood and sealed doors,
love's gone, clothes out thrown.
The halls out hollow, echoes her own,
windows like promises, shattered in tears,
bleeding insanity,pouring rain,
and it's her only one, to hear.

Time will break the winds that flow into segments to remember but never a whole..where you feel your whole life was spent with the wind..spent whirling and dancing in them...and it hides you from so much in between those segments..those times of silence when not a word is passed...and none understood...for i lay incapable of predicting your past...though i may be able to understand its aftermath.

I feel like blabbing today, i know i havnt updated in like ages but wtf, whats the point..id rather post at gothic...place poetry home...

Anyhow..i slept all of last night..rather dint sleep with this amazingly dreadful feeling which i dint realy feel as strongly last night as i do now somehow.

its just things are changing and i dont want them to..id tell you what exactly is changing but i dont know..what hasnt changed however is the fact that i dont have my gray boy ...i feel like putting a sad smiley here but i fear it will make my blog looked very unpolished..or something.

And i miss her you know..i miss him too...so much and i just keep fearing i wont see them again and will have to take that jump off the terrace place after all...the place the only place where i can feel such a strong connection to that that arfgmmg why did they have to leave me..america is totally overhyped really..and sucks pretty bad too..for me atleast..hrmmmm...and you know what sucks more?? do you?? coz i obviously dont..

ive spent almost eveynight on the terrace..sometimes alone sometimes with some boy and blared the music so between that i could talk to you through the stars when i couldnt see the moon in front of me...and i dint mind sitting on that edge and rolling off seven floors while i was talking to you..it would be worth it..more worth it if you were sitting on that ledge with me though..

and i keep wondering if im shallow..i really know deep down that i am..but i still try to persuade myself into thinking that i aint...or so..

i hate me...right now...come back home please.

Levitate...

Break me as I lay amidst the waves,
crashing and sailing,
through the static noises in my head,
torn apart, to a home, so pristine,
a place , a life id never belong to...
Ah! if only my blood were even as pure as your mucky sand.

Haunt me till i cannot remember, cannot feel my feet,
as i run past making footprints all over your soul,
only to be washed away from its memory without a trace,
and let me fall and drag me in,
so i wouldnt run and dance anymore.

Pierce me as i stand there numb,
with bruises tingling with your saline touch
yet still not conscious of what I've done.

Free me, till i see the light,and transform,
from being the mist on your waves,
to nothing at all.

Swallow me whole, tasteless though i may be,
But as hard as you may try,
I'l still live, I'l still live,
To walk towards the sun,
To feel you sink into me once again..
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And all i long for you is to take me home..

Smoke...

Fingers crawl around a lone cigarette,
Still lit still as toxic
As before he spat it out,
And as the smoke engulfs her
She can hear the sound
Of him rushing out the creaking gates.

Angry and afraid,
But she couldn’t care less
Enchanted, as she holds it within her palms,
Sleek and beautiful,
Like a lil torch lit up,
like fire in her palms,
And drawing it closer to her lips, she coughs,
Confused worried about poisoning her body,

A body still virgin to the fumes,
Still virgin to the alcohol induced high,
Still virgin to dreams and joy drugged in,
Still virgin to him.

And she wonders if she’d get the same pleasure
From the cigarette as it received from his lips,
Toying, upset, she clutches her fist,
And burns a hole through,
Shrieks, as she throws it to the floor
,And crawls away to the end of the room.,
Far , far away from it,
Afraid, she shivers and cries,
Still a virgin, still a child,
Who isn’t quite yet ready to grow,
foolish and ignorant,
But she knows now,
That, that kiss isn’t worth the pain.

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Transparent...

A Life,Like waves of ether, a mirror devoid of tint,
Not the empty glass bottle, but the air contained within.
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